your parents love me but you hate me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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