Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
so much tequila, so little girl.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
