If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
