Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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