Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
