and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
