hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
