why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
