I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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