I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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