I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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