Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
