i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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