Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
