So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
