im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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