I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
