i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
