Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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