ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
