Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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