highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
