I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
