I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
