Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
