he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
