...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
