my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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