i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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