Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
