bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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