I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All the doctor said was why
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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