once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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