can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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