and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
