Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
