he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
