I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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