i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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