Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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