my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize