Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize