Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize