so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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