He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
not ubering you a puppy
The Olympian is in my bed
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