you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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