Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
