I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Who died my cat blue again?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
