Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
