Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
