He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
