If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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