I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
