we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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