Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
