We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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