I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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