i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
