its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
