I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
